necessaties

I'd seen the good in my mother for a change

and the way she looked at my little sister 

she was madly mesmerized by

the things her little fingers could do 

I on the other hand could do no good

and as the black sheep would

I ran the fuck out 

with out thinking 

about how much struggling was to come  

I remembered my father as the good guy 

but when I asked for help 

he renounced his place in my life 

and I 

cried for bit 

but I was raised to let things go 

that is if 

they weren't necessary

things are only necessary if you let them be

and I don't need anything that 

doesn't need me

 

Unloved baby nation

perhaps her problem was claiming home in other peoples hearts

when 

really

there wasn't much room 

or maybe

it was telling the men that came and went 

what she thought love was 

cuz now baby's insides are cold as the air

blowing 

off 

ice skating rinks 

and her baby doesn't feel the love that made it 

the sweet words that raised her 

never ever 

escaped her lips again after 

baby's daddy dipped

bare boobs

i wanna be drunk always
cuz when im drinking
im feeling
falling into
who
I am?
Who the fuck am I.
I feel with my clit pressing against his bones
burying my face in his chest
him telling me
shut the fuck up
I deserve to be plunderd
pilliged cuz im
not broken enough to be
beautiful
but
im still broken
or bending as far as I can
I can't believe I feel entitled
to tell you you arent enough
for the girl that plants her ass on cement
just to cool down

think of you

it was a stupid sentiment

promising myself to stop

thinking of you

but 

thoughts think themselves

and here I am

with your book in my hands

sea water leaking from behind my lashes

why 

wasn't I 

enough

for the man who made me believe words were worth something

you will always be my only unrequited love

I get it

I'm out of my mind

its out of everyones hands 

a majority of the time 

but I could have showed you the stars behind my eyelids 

you got me cuz I don't know what I deserve

you got me cuz apparently I'm not worth much

I'm his left overs 

left 

over and 

over again 

for life 

because life always gets in the way 

of what matters 

to me 

and I guess I'm the problem if problems 

revolve around me 

I guess there is always a reason 

and if I let idiots surround me 

it's my fault 

that I'm always falling down 

I know you don't know this 

or notice but 

you're hurting me bad 

I'm only trying to make you feel better 

but 

you are always mad 

I'm sorry I'm trying 

for everyone I love

but it's so fucking hard to just get back up 

Staples

I tucked my sadness between my fingers 

and reached for it with a razor to my wrist whenever 

I wished for its comfortable claws to carry me back to

crazy 

these hospital walls harbor the pain of many more

broken than me 

and I can still hear them screaming 

(crazy)

I feel the lurid darkness slumping over my shoulders

he whispers 

that he loves me not 

and I see that not even whiskey can make my sadness stay 

away 

the moths 

they beckon me to burn with them but 

I've loved my blood to much to watch it 

sizzle 

steaming like the windows of the car where 

I left my soul with you 

I'm just calling to ask for it back

(crazy)

mutilation

finish you cigarettes ma
else your little girl is going to relight the butts
your little dose of death from your lips to hers