My palms were engraved by the tips of my fingernails
my overnight clenching caused by thoughts of you, probably, but I can't recall the specificity's
of my night terrors anymore.

I can barely hold myself up in the brightness of these mornings
I feel far too cynical to bare the heat of this overbearing California sun
I'd much rather it be as ice as it is inside my body

We're so similar
your lips are with mommy's eyes on my face
together

To tomorrow

To my unrequited love,

While you lay lazily 

Sleeping atop hotel sheets 

I watch your eyelids flutter
your rest is failing to rescue you
from the discomfort of the mattress
my arms are failing to soothe you like they desire
to
do I deserve this space beside you
because waves of your regret are crashing on my
chest

with kindness

ephemeral fling

goosebumps than 

panic attacks

so full I've spilled over the edges

of the glass 

now I'm shattered glass 

you left me with specious hopes

and now everything you said must be 

a lie

your name rings like a bell in my skull

I could vomit you

I am sick with you 

and what you knew you'd do to me

Sweet like candy

You were my hot boss

I was your jail bait baby 

you saw me in a crop top 

and your jaw dropped 

like a stone 

this time we could be something

wanna? 

You could sneak in my window 

shift in the sheets with me 

innocently

of course

blow smoke off my balcony 

baby 

I'm young but 

that only means you could teach me something

teach me something.

Some months

I could cry all day over only
just the recollection of your face
protruding lips
ice irises
And the way you imbued poetry into every word

Baby that's how I fell 

No gravitonal pull 

Just your lustful looks 

And sex screaming collarbones 

But you've been gone so long 

And he was right there waiting 

Baby I'm sorry this was 17 years in the making

He kissed me sweetly and 

I love you but love in its unrequitedness 

Burns like lemon in lacerations 

This didn't come quietly 

I heard it running towards me 

Stomping 

Begging to be 

And I'm so fucking sorry 

Bad trip

Meditate to 

Ileaviate 

the symptoms 

of 

miss you so much

should've known I'd still miss you 

when you lay beside me 

your vessel empty 

of the

entity 

I love