My palms were engraved by the tips of my fingernails
my overnight clenching caused by thoughts of you, probably, but I can't recall the specificity's
of my night terrors anymore.

I can barely hold myself up in the brightness of these mornings
I feel far too cynical to bare the heat of this overbearing California sun
I'd much rather it be as ice as it is inside my body

We're so similar
your lips are with mommy's eyes on my face
together

To tomorrow

To my unrequited love,

While you lay lazily 

Sleeping atop hotel sheets 

I watch your eyelids flutter
your rest is failing to rescue you
from the discomfort of the mattress
my arms are failing to soothe you like they desire
to
do I deserve this space beside you
because waves of your regret are crashing on my
chest

with kindness

ephemeral fling

goosebumps than 

panic attacks

so full I've spilled over the edges

of the glass 

now I'm shattered glass 

you left me with specious hopes

and now everything you said must be 

a lie

your name rings like a bell in my skull

I could vomit you

I am sick with you 

and what you knew you'd do to me

Sweet like candy

You were my hot boss

I was your jail bait baby 

you saw me in a crop top 

and your jaw dropped 

like a stone 

this time we could be something

wanna? 

You could sneak in my window 

shift in the sheets with me 

innocently

of course

blow smoke off my balcony 

baby 

I'm young but 

that only means you could teach me something

teach me something.

Some months

I could cry all day over only
just the recollection of your face
protruding lips
ice irises
And the way you imbued poetry into every word

Baby that's how I fell 

No gravitonal pull 

Just your lustful looks 

And sex screaming collarbones 

But you've been gone so long 

And he was right there waiting 

Baby I'm sorry this was 17 years in the making

He kissed me sweetly and 

I love you but love in its unrequitedness 

Burns like lemon in lacerations 

This didn't come quietly 

I heard it running towards me 

Stomping 

Begging to be 

And I'm so fucking sorry 

Bad trip

Meditate to 

Ileaviate 

the symptoms 

of 

miss you so much

should've known I'd still miss you 

when you lay beside me 

your vessel empty 

of the

entity 

I love 

emotional for no reason

you taste like you've been snacking on zannies

but she's the sad girl

sad girl self medicates

sad girl self mutilates

killing herself in secret

sad girl says "whiskey, whiskey"

and downs pharmaceuticals

prescribed for someone else

sad girl attempts to

fall asleep til it gets easy

she wants to be the real life sleeping beauty

Cig.

fur coat, cigarettes and the tequila is talking me into tears again
it's so cold out but I'm burning alive
must be the poison the silence we shared spilled on my eyes
I finally asked you if I was the one
your answer unearthed itself with your hesitation
I'm shattered like glass now
by my almost romeo

Call Girl

Boys live for moments

girls live for the memories

of those

moments

that is why                  when

life goes on

sometimes

girls 

hold on

firsts are big

but not the biggest

yet

girls don't realize this

til

time teaches them

to

let go

100 to nothing

stars

to

just dust

to

he's not going to call sweetheart

maybe cuz he thinks your

pretty voice will

draw him

back in

but

either way

he's not to call back sweetheart

because that moment has

passed

subtle43

Swollen lips

Bruised hips 

sweet sensitivity 

Lingering in softer 

parts 

Hands are shaking 

understanding

What art is

She stopped listening to the sound

Of

anything 

But

could barely keep quiet 

Evidence on the sheets and 

In racing hearts 

An inexplicable connection

When she realized 

that the notion

of perfections 

extinction

Was untrue

& sweet

love has wrapped her writhing vermilion tongue around
the two of you
like a serpent
and your girl,
she had been resistless in suffocating beside you
but you
tried to run
your time is ephemeral and
neither of you would depart from loves life unscathed
so stay
she decorates you with smiles and blushing cheeks...

better now

Perhaps God rains on cigarettes and puts gravity up to shattering handles because he likes to see you laugh. You're lungs are prettier when your not setting them on fire and your liver likes it better when you don't drink so much. You say you dream of swimming in Greek oceans when your wrinkled but your family ages slowly and it looks like you're going to die young, love. If you keep on practicing drawing straight lines with razor blades on your body you might learn to like it and cut too deep tomorrow; your wrists don't make good canvases and your medium clots too often.

Fluorescent Freckles

I had been gazing at the creases under your eyes,

focusing on

your fluorescent freckles

before my lips caught yours

and you sailed me to ecstasy

that night even the stars above us couldn't shine

brighter than

the supernovas in your irises

me melting all over you

holding your shield of a chest in my palms

you in

the softest parts of me

calling me baby

the ocean at my feet and your hands in my hair

Aphrodite's approval shining over the both of us

thank you  

Ink

You dipped your hands in black ink

in order to paint yourself a shade of esoteric

your ivory white wouldn't allow

you find beauty in unique, only 

I find beauty in only you

cant help it

always been infatuated with the ones

who

mutilate their finger knuckles for the sake of a pretty picture

you artists got it bad 

and 

it's got me good

I'm wrapped all the way around your rib cage 

and I can feel you move even when you're 

physically 

so

      fucking 

                   far

                          away.

crazy

Stretching to comfort the one who keeps me up all night

worker bees don't ask for what they deserve

but they are tired

of excuses

im tired too

of swimming oceans for boys who wouldn't jump over puddles for me

of scraping my palms trying to catch myself

but I am the one who jumped after all

shouldn't have dragged them down too

I'm fat with honey, honey

I am the queen

took stinging like a bee to literally and tried my best to

metaphorically pour vinegar in the wounds of the ones

who

wounded

me

standing in his shoes I'd have done the same

hypocrisy lives beyond what you do when you point your fingers

it's what you would do too

the problem isn't

hurting him because

he hurt me

its hurting them when

they never did

all they've ever done is

help me

1st

California rain is like

the good boy

it doesn't fuck you

its
   falls

       all

         over

                 you

makes love with you

its sounds are sweet

and its touch cold

gentle enough though

to warm you

with its genuineness

but like the kiss

the rain leaves

the rain returns but never quite as good

as

the first time

Acidic Whiskey

I told him I couldn't come on account of the snow

the snow covered my car

but it was my heart

hovered by

another

I held the other mans face and looked at him like an object

I found a new craving for ruining

I ruined them both to satisfy myself

though, I love my love

I'm not sorry for being selfish

I don't

I won't

feel him hurting

when he finds that I'm

not what he thought I was?

he wont

know

that he made me this way

his salty lips that night made me crave

pain

I had cuts in my mouth and the acidity

of the whiskey

makes it

hurt so good

tangents about t

His jeans clung to him and his shirt hung from his high shoulders

He balanced himself on the edge of imaginary tight-ropes

round and round til girl tossed her red hair back

“you coming?”

didn't smile the whole subway ride

didn't smile at her

not at me

love you baby

someday maybe I'd be

baby to boy with black hair, white skin

voice like chocolate mouse

crook'd lips kissing all unheard words

hot breath touches the neck-and

it's

not

you again

far from the tree

my mothers

tounge taps the tips of her teeth

as she talks

and her eyes linger as she ideates

the exact image

of the story she tells

you cant tell if she want to tell you

or

if she could be just as amused

by herself

her intricate imagery crafts

a scenery

and Its feels nice to be spoken to in such a pretty way

but she could speak to anyone the way she speaks to me

my mother

gives you time between her umms and buts

to imagine, agree

and

almost interupt

but

if you were to

she would

ignore you

or yell because it cant be as

interesting as “how joe smith asked her to prom”

20 years ago

sometimes I feel like shes more proud of herself

than she is of her own daughter

but I think that her pride makes her strength stronger

than anyone else I've ever met

thats just my mother

I cant tell you how much I love her

you see

I love that shes stubborn

like me

I take a lot of credence

with the saying

“the apple doesnt fall far from the tree”

...

What is the feeling

that follows sunsets

and sunny days

the days after when all it does

is rain rain rain

and broken hearts are made by overwhelming

dates

too much

too soon

and

all you feel

is the absence of some feeling that you can't define

when the moment in this place

rejoins the memory of his face

where your heart beats faster than

he could peddle away

Shifting

Esoterically reconstruct every cliche to present yourself in a way
that he'll see you under whimsical lighting like the left over Christmas decorations in your bedroom illuminating
the spot he first brushed your lips with his and his fingertips aggressively tugged at your hips
Innocently shifting in the sheets
this time alone tossing up thoughts about how he greets you
And says goodbye
Always addressing you by name
He imbues it with an energy that makes you sound prettier than the plain Jane you feel like
in the morning following heavy makeup and champagne saturated nights

lovely lola

Lovely Lola was a mature beauty born in a jail bait generation. She was inordinately intelligent and the unexpected body of trapped trouble. She kept her phone tucked behind the zipper of her long left leather boot and wore a thrifted argyle skirt low on her little hips. She was a clever, clever, demon disguised by a petite 5'2 frame. She had a mind just behind her captivating colored iris's, that could tear you to shreds. Eyes as green as the envy ignited in other girls with just a glance in her direction. Literally breath taking.

Whatever You Call It

I'll furtively fabricate the tragic end of your long lead romance but I'll fail in pushing you out of love.
But she'll leave with no regret for her destiny has been set
With a man in Spain
And mine with the man I manifested from the smoke of my lucky cigarette.

He waits in his room for a women that's no longer interested in playing games.
I think I am in love with him even if he doesn't mind ignoring my longing.
I beg of him to let me be the silver lining left in her dust...
But broken hearts aren't mended by second bananas
And beauty doesn't arrive over night.

Perhaps some lonely night when he wants to feel wanted and my physical being decides to be haunted by Another hit it and quit it or whatever you call it.
That night he'll be mine.

S

I wrote a story that was pretty obscene

And it was published in a dirty magazine

And I heard it quoted by my good friend b

But I never let her know that the author was me

Because my dad is preacher

Moms a conservative teacher

And  I’d feel terrible putting them in a publicity rut

Local newspapers calling the fathers daughter a slut

No thanks

No way

 I just needed a release

So I wrote a errant sex driven piece

My conscience says keep quiet so that’s what I’ll do

So I guess  you’ll never know that sinful story

Was conjured by me

For you 

Redundant Remarks

Who knew that we could fall so fast

And  feel so much all at once

Everyone thought I was absurd

For concerning my heart with someone across the damn ocean

You’d promised of me you’d never tire

But that promise was made with a date to expire

Who knew

That 6 months would come and go

And the dates we made came to be made of

No-shows and memories we didn't make

I guess I should have guessed that your words were empty

And that you’d leave me in the dark

Your blog title quite literally means

Redundant remark